Mooney's Jokes are My Jokes

Genie in a Bottle

A white man was walking along the beach when he stumbled on a genie in a lamp. He rubbed the lamp and summoned the genie.

"You have three wishes," the genie said, "but you must never say them aloud. "Think them to yourself, and I will grant them."

The next thing the white man knew, he was in a giant mansion with marble floors, twisting staircases and a sprawling kitchen. You see, all white men want mansions.

Then suddenly, gorgeous blue-eyed, big-tittied women appeared out of nowhere. They frolicked in the great mansion. All they wanted to do was give head. All white men love women, you see.

Then there was a knock at the door. Wham wham wham! When the white man opened the door, he saw several klansmen in their gruesome regalia. They grabbed the white man, strung him up and lynched him from a great oak tree. You know why? All white men want to be hung like a nigger.

A black woman comes across the genie on the beach. "Tell me your two wishes," the genie said.

"I want you to build a great bridge from here to Africa so that when these white folks get on my nerves, I can walk on home," the black woman said.

"You must be crazy," the genie said. "I can't do that. What's your next wish?"

"I wish that one day in the United States there would be equality among black people and white people," the black woman said. "Maybe for my children. Or my children's children."

"Hmmph," the genie said. "So should I make that bridge out of steel or concrete?"

Wesley Snipes is so black...

When black folks finally get reparations, Wesley Snipes is gonna be a rich muthafucka. Ain't nobody black as that nigga. Sorry, Halle Berry. You only get a dollar.

Indian Democracy

During election season, a commercial played in some parts of the country, which lobbied against Indian casinos. A white stentorian voice proclaimed, "The Indians have their own casinos. They don't have to pay taxes on the millions of dollars in casino revenue that they earn each year. I didn't vote for that."

The Indians should make their own commercial. "You came here and stole our land. You gave us blankets riddled with disease. You destroyed our people and our way of life. I didn't vote for that."

Michael Jackson, You Went Too Far

Michael Jackson had it coming. He offended too many white people. Sooner or later, they were going to try to take him down.

First Michael married Elvis Presley's daughter. White folks knew that if Elvis didn't come back after that, he must really be dead.

Then he went and bought the Beatles catalog. And you know that pissed white folks off.

But his greatest crime was when he dangled his precious, defenseless white baby from that balcony in Germany. "How could he do such a thing! He should be arrested and the baby should be taken from him," the world demanded.

But it would have been different had that baby been black. "Oh, don't worry if Michael drops that nigger. The black monkey will climb right back up to daddy."